


The Months After

by ChickPea92



Series: Lilith Hawke & Cullen Rutherford [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Oral Sex, Reunions, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:09:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickPea92/pseuds/ChickPea92
Summary: Hawke has finally travelled back to Skyhold after over a year away. But what awaits her on arrival?





	1. Epilogue Part 1

“No, see, the Commander's got a larger swing, he doesn't need to get so close.”

“But the Seeker's got that...that determination, you know, she gets that look in her eyes like all she wants to do is grab you by the balls until you surrender.”

The guard who was now regretting his idle question of 'who would win in a fight, the Seeker or the Commander?' chuckled.

“Why in blazes are you thinking about Seeker Cassandra grabbing your balls?”

“Who wouldn't..” His friend said, eyes drifting off into some sick daydream he wished to know nothing about.

He sighed. Guarding the gate wasn't one of his favourite duties, especially since there was a big party going on in the great hall, but at least they supplied them with all the food they could possibly want.

“Wassat noise?” His fellow guardsman said with a mouthful of bread.

“I don't know, I can't hear over you spitting food everywhere.” He grimaced and brushed a few crumbs from his shoulder. “Wait...” He peered into the thick fog that had slowly descended on Skyhold throughout the evening. “Is that a horse? And...”

“Andraste's ass, it's the Champion!”

* * *

Cullen's hand trembled as he took the smaller and far more delicate one into his own, feeling another come up to his shoulder. He placed his remaining hand very precisely on the small of her back, not wishing to accidentally drop it too low and make the situation even more awkward.

“It's just a dance.” Marie said, looking up at him through her long lashes.

“Sorry,” Cullen blushed, mortified that she could tell just how out of place he felt, “it's been a long time since a beautiful lady's asked for a dance, if one has ever.”

Maker, did he just call her beautiful? The blush crept ever further up his face when she gave him a shy smile.

“I was surprised you said yes. I was sure you'd turn me down. _Again_.” She said, her smile turning into a smirk.

It was true, Marie had become a regular at all of Skyhold's gatherings over the past few months. He was sure it was because her dear old mother had seen the two of them together and was desperate to make a match.

“Ah, yes,” Cullen chuckled nervously, “I've just...had a lot on my mind.”

Although Hawke preoccupied less and less of his thoughts these days he still couldn't help but feel guilty with every interaction he had with the Orlesian he was now dancing with. He wished he didn't, after all, she was the one who had obviously decided not to bother coming back. Cullen clenched his jaw involuntarily, still feeling the fool for ever thinking she'd return.

“Another lady perhaps?” Marie asked, turning her head away in embarrassment.

Cullen looked away as well, unsure of how to answer.

“Yes.” He eventually replied. “But she's not interested anymore.”

“Hm,” she returned her gaze back up to him, “her loss.”

Cullen's lips tugged into a smile, something she seemed to be able to pull out of him a lot. Marie returned the smile, her eyes crinkling in the most endearing way. He pulled her body ever so slightly closer to his, swaying as the band played in the background.

* * *

“There you go boy,” Hawke said, setting a big bucket of water down in front of her horse, “you've earned it after such a long trip. Don't worry, I'll get you some lovely juicy apples too.”

She smiled at the tired and weathered looking animal, brushing the dust of the road off herself and giving her limbs a nice long stretch.

Any second now she was going to be sick, she was sure of it, the feeling inside her stomach just would not go away. She'd never been this nervous in her life and, quite frankly, the idea of seeing Cullen again after so long terrified her.

What would he say? Would he just walk up to her and kiss her? Ravish her? Would he be happy? Of course he'd be happy...wouldn't he?

Hawke stared up at Skyhold, beginning to doubt herself and her decision to come back here. It had been such a long time, neither one of them making any attempt to corresponded with each other after a few mere weeks of being separated. She twisted the hem of her riding jacket, wondering if her long absence will have created a gap between the two of them that was just too big to close.

She looked around the empty courtyard as she strolled across the grounds, slowly making her way over to the steep steps that lead up to the great hall. Faint music played in the background; celebrating a year since the defeat of Corypheus one of the guards had said. She couldn't believe it had really been so long. Being back here again it felt like she'd never left, and part of her wished she hadn't.

The music got louder as she gradually climbed the stairs, breathing deeply with each step so as not to spill her guts out all over the stone. That wouldn't be the most ideal way of greeting Cullen. She had to smile at the thought of it though, her mind beginning to wander off before an all too familiar voice jolted her out of it.

“Hawke?”

“Varric!” She beamed. Hawke frowned when he said nothing more, just giving her a nervous smile. “What? Is it because I've turned up unannounced? Don't tell me _Madame Ambassador_ is banning me from the event. I won't cause any trouble, I promise, I just want to see Cullen.”

Varric chuckled, the nervous look on his face, even in his voice, still not going away.

“You don't want to go in there; too many nobles for your liking.” He put an arm on Hawke's back, turning her away from the entrance to the hall. “How 'bout we just go get our own drink at the tavern? You can tell me what you've been up to!”

Hawke's smile faded as her small friend tried to usher her away back down the steps.

“Varric.”

“You know, I'm headed back to Kirkwall after this.” He ignored her.

“ _Varric_.” She repeated.

“There's been some rumours they want me to be Viscount.” Varric laughed, a little too forcefully. “Could you imagine? Me? Viscount?!”

Hawke pulled away from him, turning back to the great hall and marching her way in. Scanning the faces in the large crowd, she knew something was wrong, and not just from Varric's ridiculously unsubtle attempt at diverting her away. She could feel it in her stomach again, but not an excited feeling, or even nerves, just dread.

Her eyes darted around the room, desperate to find him.

Where is he? She thought to herself. _Where is he._

And then she saw him. Arm wrapped around a woman, looking down at her, smiling.

This time she really was going to be sick.

“Hawke.” A quiet voice said beside her.

Her eyes stung as they began to water but she just couldn't bring herself to look away.

Cullen laughed, eyes closed and smile wide.

She could feel the bile beginning to rise in her throat.

All of a sudden his eyes met hers and he froze. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

She turned and ran, whether to get away from him or to just be sick she didn't know. She didn't care. She just had to leave.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything has to come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, did this take me so much longer to write than I thought it would - huge apologies! But I just really wanted to get the last chapter right and desperately didn't want it to seem rushed.
> 
> Well I hope you enjoy! <3

“Hawke...” Cullen mumbled to himself.

All he could do was stare. Stare as she looked back at him. Stare at the confusion and hurt in her eyes. Stare as she ran back out to the courtyard.

Then all of a sudden he snapped back to reality.

“Hawke.” He said louder, letting go of Marie and marching over to where Varric still stood.

“Cullen?” Marie asked. “Is something the matter?”

He said nothing as he continued to make his way through the crowd, pushing people slightly harder than necessary, eyes never leaving the spot where she once stood.

Why now? He thought to himself. Of all the blasted moments for her to make a return why did he have to have a woman in his arms.

“Which way?” Cullen demanded as he walked up to Varric.

“Cullen, perhaps you should - ”

“Which. Way.” He said sternly.

Varric sighed and pointed over to one of the towers on the battlements, quickly stepping aside as Cullen barged past him.

* * *

 

Hawke wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, grimacing at the sick and bile that came off on it. She'd barely managed to make it to somewhere private before spewing her guts out into the corner of the room and it was only once she'd stood back up that she realised where she was.

She turned to lean back against the cold, stone wall. The tower still wasn't any tidier than it had been when her and Cullen had first begun their affair; a little less junk but far more shrubbery. For the first time she actually regretted making a move on Cullen that day, wondering how much simpler her life would've been without him.

But so much emptier, she thought, scraping a hand through her hair.

She was so angry. But not at him. Not at Cullen. At Herself.

If only she'd come back sooner, if she'd listened to Aveline and her brother, things might've been different. Instead of some strange woman in his arms it would've been her rushing into them as he held her tight.

Hawke felt a tear roll down her cheek, wiping it quickly away as she realised what a fool she'd been. How had she expected him to tolerate her selfishness for so long, she was surprised he even tolerated it at all. This was her fault and for once she had to take responsibility.

Hawke pushed herself from off the wall and trudged over to the door, not really sure what she was doing or where she was even going. The door opened with a creek as she wiped away another stray tear.

“Hawke.”

Cullen stood a few metres in front of her, eyes wide, full of concern.

“Oh.” Was all she could manage.

“It's not what you think.” He said quickly.

“Cullen, I'm not - ”

“It was a dance, nothing more.” He continued.

“Cullen if you just - ” Hawke tried stopping him again.

“A-and I _reluctantly_ accepted,” he rubbed at his forehead, “well I suppose that isn't entirely true – but I'd refused her plenty of times before that!”

“Cullen will you just stop!” She said irritably. “I'm not angry with you!”

He just stared at her, blinking in confusion.

“You're...you're not?” He asked warily. “This seems like the sort of thing anyone would be angry with...most of all you.”

“I should've come back sooner.” Hawke said quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hawke...”

Cullen took a couple of steps towards her, his face relaxing and instantly she felt more relaxed along with him.

“No, I don't have an excuse.” She stepped forward to meet him. “I'll be honest; I was just scared.”

She looked at Cullen but couldn't bring herself to hold his gaze, choosing to look out across the horizon instead. That feeling was back in her stomach again, but this time it was a good feeling, she could tell. Perhaps she hadn't completely fucked this up.

“And you think I'm not?” He asked, and Hawke felt his hand come up and cup her face. “This is uncharted territory for both of us.”

She finally forced herself to look into his eyes, so warm and loving, and it felt like she was home. Cullen's thumb brushed gently across her cheekbone and she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes with a sigh, willing the moment to never end.

“Just kiss her already!” A faint shout drifted across the courtyard.

Cullen growled in irritation but Hawke couldn't help but chuckle at Dorian's outburst. She looked down below and saw that a small crowd had gathered, mainly close associates of the Commander's, and pulled away from the hand still holding her face with a slight embarrassment.

“Perhaps your office?” Hawke suggested, nodding her head in its direction.

“I think so.” Cullen mumbled, stepping to the side. “After you.”

“Well how incredibly boring.” She heard Dorian say as they strolled towards the office door.

* * *

 

Cullen pulled off his gloves as they entered his office, throwing them down onto the desk, and was suddenly aware of how drenched in sweat they'd become. He quickly wiped them down his sides when Hawke had her back to him, praying she couldn't tell how nervous he was. He was so scared of messing this up; he'd already thanked the Maker that she hadn't immediately stormed out of Skyhold after seeing him and Marie together.

He watched her lips move, not really listening to what she had to say, just thankful that she was here at all. But mainly he just wanted to put his own lips against hers, feel their softness, the vibration as she hummed in pleasure.

“...avoiding everything as I always do,” Hawke's voice carried on, “and I just didn't know...”

Her voice was just a noise in the background, Cullen preferred to focus on her face, noticing all the new creases and scars that had appeared. He walked slowly towards her, observing the small indented scar in her eyebrow as it move up and down animatedly. Still her apology droned on but he couldn't care less, instead choosing to gently grab the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair.

“And...I...” Hawke attempted to continue, eyes wide as she stared up at him.

“For Maker's sake,” he said, “just be quiet.”

Leaning his head down he finally joined his lips with hers in a soft, slow kiss. A hand wrapped around his upper arm, fingers digging in, and he deepened the kiss, moving his other hand to the small of her back to pull her closer. She whimpered a sigh into his mouth and he decided he could wait no longer.

“We can talk another time.” He mumbled against her lips. “For the love of Andraste, I must have you now.”

“Well,” Hawke laughed breathlessly as he used the hand in her hair to twist her head, his lips travelling down her neck, “that can be arranged.”

Her permission was all he needed. Walking her backwards over to his desk he shoved off as much as possible, the sound of books knocking to the ground and the glass of something or other smashing as Hawke pushed herself up onto the sturdy table. He placed himself between her legs, feeling her thighs squeeze around him and pulling him closer to her, groaning as the hard bulge in his breeches pressed against her.

They wasted no time in getting rid of their clothing; Hawke fumbling with his armour and Cullen tying more knots than loosening them on her shirt and breeches. They laughed through kisses, no embarrassment to be found, just want and need. Piece by piece they undressed each other, armour clattering to the floor next to boots haphazardly kicked off. Their kisses became sloppy and desperate, the sound of breathless pants filling the air, until finally they were down to only their smalls.

Cullen jerked when he felt a small hand run the length of his erection as it strained against the fabric of his smalls. Slowly he kissed down the length of Hawke's neck as she slipped her nimble fingers into his waistband, pulling them away and down over his cock. The cold air made him twitch, aching for Hawke's fingers, mouth, cunt, anything to be wrapped around him. He groaned into the crook of her neck when he got his wish, already bucking his hips into her hand as she stroked him slowly.

“I've missed this.” Hawke said into his ear.

“I think he's missed you too.” Cullen joked, smiling when he felt her body shake in laughter.

“Shall we?” She said with a raised brow, jerking her head towards the ladder to his loft.

“What's wrong with right here?” He said in a low voice.

“Surely the Commander doesn't want to sully his desk?” She asked in feign disbelief.

“If I was ever going to _sully_ my desk, who better to do so than with the Champion of Kirkwall?” He said with a smirk. “And believe me,” he moved his lips to the shell of her ear, “we most certainly will.”

His smirk grew larger at the strained whimper that came from her mouth, glad he still knew exactly how to work her up. Brushing his lips across her ear he could hear her breath begin to quicken and his quickly followed suit when the hand wrapped around his cock moved faster. A hand that was resting on her hip slid its way up to cup her breast, palming it gently and occasionally brushing a thumb over her nipple, eliciting the most beautiful gasp from her.

Cullen looked down, watching the small but strong hand move up and down his length, spreading the wetness that had already begun to leak out. His eyes drifted to between her own thighs, open and waiting. He pressed the palm that wasn't attending to her breast against her cunt and, Maker, she was so warm and inviting. Almost instantly Hawke began to grind into his hand, mewling next to his ear and her hand beginning to falter against him, clearly unable to focus. He pressed into her harder, rubbing her clit firmly with the heel of his palm and giving her nipple a light pinch at the same time. The load moan that erupted from her lips only encouraged him, pulling and twisting the pert bud; Hawke had always preferred it rough and, Maker, she definitely brought out the more primal side of him.

He hooked his finger into her smalls, pulling them to the side, and allowing him access to where he desired most. She was already so wet for him, the tip of his index finger gliding with ease through her folds, dipping into her for the no more than a second before bringing it up to swirl around her clit. Hawke's free hand grabbed onto the side of his thigh, her nails digging into his flesh, and her moans grew more frustrated as Cullen refused to place anymore pressure where she needed it most. The pleasure his cock felt from her leisurely strokes stopped when she moved her hand on top of his, clearly in an attempt to make Cullen give her what she wanted. But much to Hawke's dismay, the second he felt her warm skin on his he pulled away.

“Take that off.” He said, gesturing to her breast band which she quickly ripped off. “And lie back.”

Hawke lay with her back flat on the desk, knocking what few remaining items were left standing on the floor. Cullen pulled down her smalls as he knelt on the floor in front of her, smiling as she opened her legs for him. He wanted to devour her.

Lifting her legs over his shoulders he leaned into her, breathing in her scent, and simply brushed his lips across her glistening cunt. He chuckled at her whine, repeating this a couple more times before closing his lips around her swollen clit. He watched as she arched her back off the desk, her heels digging into his back, and he sucked gently. Maker, had he missed the sounds she made. Every delicious moan and whimper that came from her mouth as he moved his tongue up and down her folds made his cock impossibly hard. He looked at her face, the way her brows knotted together in concentration as she so desperately sought her orgasm, her chest heaving with heavy breaths. Her arms had gone to above her head, probably grabbing and clawing at the edge of the desk, and Cullen secretly hoped that there might be small scratch marks there in the morning.

He couldn't believe how wet she was as he pressed a finger into her, quickly adding a second to join it, and slowly moved them inside her. He watched her intently when he curled the fingers, always enjoying the immediate shift in pleasure it created for her. He sucked harder on her clit, growling into her cunt as the arousal was becoming almost too much for him to bear.

“Please.” She begged.

Had Cullen been in a cruel mood this would have been the first of many denials. But not tonight, tonight he wanted to bring her as much pleasure as possible, to give his all to the woman he loved. The fingers inside her moved quicker, harder, feeling her walls clench around them.

“Do it.” He demanded. “Come for me.”

No more than a few seconds later she squeezed around his fingers with a long, continuous moan, her body shaking on top of the desk, and Cullen eased her through the orgasm.

“Shit.” She breathed.

Cullen chuckled, pushing himself up off the ground and rubbing his now quite sore knees. Hawke was a limp mess on his desk; one arm over her closed eyes, panting, and skin glistening with sweat. He shoved down his smalls and stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. Maker, he couldn't help but stroke himself as he looked at her. Using her wetness from his fingers he slid his hand up and down, feeling his cock pulse and twitch. He pressed the tip of it against her sensitive clit and she jerked, arm falling away from her face.

“Are you going to put it in or what?” She said with a smirk.

“I might do.” Cullen replied, mirroring her smile. “But not like this.”

He groaned when she moved, not even needing to clarify what he wanted, what he needed.

“You know me too well.” He muttered, watching Hawke roll over and press her chest into the desk, planting her feet firmly on the floor and arching her back to stick out her behind for him.

She turned and peeked over her shoulder.

“Is that a bad thing?” She asked quietly.

“No.” And he was completely serious. “It's wonderful.”

Her eyes creased up in a warm smile and for a moment his heart couldn't take how much he loved this woman. He swore to himself that he'd never let her go again, not even for a second, and he'd treasure every moment he had with her. Cullen placed his arms either side of her small body and leant over, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.

“I love you.” He said, feeling her cheek move against his lips as her smile widened.

“And I love you.”

He kissed her again, this time trailing more down the side of her neck and along her back until he was stood upright again. He positioned himself at her entrance, pushing only the head of his cock inside, and already his eyes fell shut at the feel of her wetness surrounding him. He groaned more when Hawke pushed back against him, slowly slipping inside her, and his hands moved to her hips. They both let out a satisfied moan when he pushed inside completely, her cunt wrapping round him so tight that he wasn't sure how long he'd manage to last.

Cullen moved his hips gently, fingers digging into her flesh and desperately trying to resist the urge to just pound into her. His breath came harsh through gritted teeth, brows drawn together and hips beginning to thrust faster against his will. He swore he could feel every ridge and bump inside her grind against his cock, yet she was still so soft and warm.

“Harder.” Hawke whined into the desk. “Please.”

And he happily obliged, slamming his hips into her and hearing the sound of slapping flesh ring out throughout the room. Moving over Hawke, Cullen slipped a hand between her thighs while the other he placed beside her head. He could feel her hot breath against his arm as he worked her clit, rubbing hard, sloppy circles around it. He watched her knuckles turn white as she gripped the desk, feeling her legs straighten and tense in front of his own.

“No.” He said, quickly pulling out of her and dragging his hand away from her cunt. “I need to see you when you come.”

Hawke wearily rolled onto her back and he grabbed her thighs, pulling her to the edge of the desk and wasting no time before sliding straight back into her. He held onto her legs as he rolled his hips, eyes flicking up to catch her head lolling back against the table and her own hips bucking up to meet his. He thrust harder, enough to cause a delicious bounce to her breasts and a primal growl burst from him as he watched them.

A slender hand moved down to where their bodies met, toying with her clit, and Cullen watched in complete lust, always amazed at how much this woman aroused her. Her other hand crept over to a breast, squeezing it tightly as the hand on her cunt moved faster. Cullen watched in delight as Hawke pleasured herself, feeling her grip around his cock, and he knew it wouldn't be much longer for either of them.

“Come on, Hawke.” He strained. “Do it.”

Her moans got louder, shorter and more frequent, and he knew she was right there. He tried to angle his hips in just the right way to tip her over the edge, his cock moving inside her in deep, long thrusts. A string of curse words flooded from her mouth and he felt the familiar spasms around his cock, hugging it tightly until, he too, swore with his release. Cullen's movements slowed, filling her with every drop, and he watched Hawke as she continued to quiver on top of his desk.

“Maker...” She sighed.

Cullen smiled and leant down, joining his lips with hers in a hot, messy kiss. Hawke moved her legs to wrap around his waist and he gasped at the feeling of her cunt still wrapped around his sensitive cock. They chuckled during another kiss, so relaxed in each other's company, and he couldn't explain it but it just felt...right.

“I missed you so much.” He muttered against her lips.

“I know,” Hawke pulled away from the kiss, “Cullen, I'm sorry - ”

“Don't.” He interrupted. “We need not talk about it anymore. You're here, and that's all that matters.”

And it was. He couldn't care less that it'd taken her so long to return, that she'd hardly kept in contact with him. What was important was that she'd actually come back. For him. And, Maker, if that didn't bring a smile to his face.

“As lovely as this is, you being inside me and all,” Cullen cringed at how frank she could be sometimes, “perhaps we could move to the more comfortable area of the bedroom.”

Hawke pushed herself off the desk and swanned over to the ladder, clearly not a care in the world for her modesty as she climbed, still completely nude. Cullen just followed her, leaving their clothes and armour strewn all other the place.

“I missed beds.” She said, humming in satisfaction, pulling the sheets up around her.

“I've missed you in my bed.” He said with a smirk, sliding in next to her and pulling her close.

They fell into a comfortable silence, just the sound of their breathing filling the air as they caressed each other's skin with gentle touches.

“So,” Hawke said, breaking the peaceful quiet, “what now?”

“Well,” Cullen shifted in bed so he could look at her, “the Inquisition could do with a skilled mage to teach the apprentices.”

Hawke barked out a laugh and he gave her a very unimpressed look.

“I'm serious.”

“Yes, because me teaching young, incredibly irritating mages is a brilliant idea!”

Her sarcasm did nothing to deter him. Yes, she would more than likely be a handful – when wasn't she – but Cullen truly believed she'd do a good job. And the young mages could learn a lot from her.

“Look, I know you're not exactly the teaching type, but your skills with magic have no match.” He brushed a couple of strands of hair away from her face. “I trust you to teach them to control their powers, hone them, and most of all be responsible with them.”

She looked up at him, uncertainty written all over her face.

“Would you really trust me to do that?” She asked tentatively.

“Yes.” He said plainly. “I _do_ trust you to do that.”

Her face lit up in an unexpected smile, possibly even a hint of excitement behind it, and he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He couldn't quite believe how far they'd come since Kirkwall and he was not just relieved, but proud, that they'd both managed to wade through so much shit to get here. He just prayed he wouldn't lose her again.

“Alright then.” Hawke said, bringing him out of his thoughts. “I suppose I could try.”

“As long as you don't go disappearing on me again.” He said, only half-joking.

“Don't worry,” she said, resting her head on his chest, “I'm not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so that's it. I really hope the wait was worth it and that you enjoyed not just this, but the series as a whole. It's been amazing to have such a great following for these two idiots and it's been lovely writing for them again.
> 
> I've got ideas for another series, and maybe some day I will write it, but right now I'm focusing on my new career and all the old things I've been meaning to write!
> 
> So much love to each and every one of you. Every kudo, like, or comment has been incredible <3


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